The Interrogation

It’s an empty warehouse.

One giant room.

It could be more.

So it is.

And when they drag in the girl, they don’t place her in a ware­house. They place her in a tiny room.

It’s a small, uncom­fort­able room with pol­ished white tiles, shiny uncom­fort­able metal chairs and an equally uncom­fort­able metal table.

They lock her hand­cuffs to the table, then leave.

It has the per­fect green tint of an inter­ro­ga­tion room. The mir­rored, one-way glass, rough cement walls and grimy small white tiles enhance the decor; the slow “drip… drip…” from a nearby leak sets the mood.

The door clanks nois­ily as you step through it.

The girl looks up at you. You tsk.

CUT!” You yell.

The girl is star­tled and scared. She has no clue what’s going on, and it’s not as if you’re about to tell her: she might break char­ac­ter – well, even more than she already has.

Next take, don’t look up.”

You storm out.

The door slams shut.

For a moment, you stare at her through the mir­rored glass.

Her brown hair pools around her face, obscur­ing her from you. She tries to move the hair away, but before they reach, her hands catch on the cuffs.

With as much drama as you can muster, you stride once more into the room.

She doesn’t look up.

You sit; not on the chair, but on the table.

She still doesn’t look up.

Promis­ing.

She talks.

The room is darker. Danker.”

You frown. You sup­pose her words are mys­te­ri­ous enough to be dra­matic; you don’t cut scene right away, but…

The tiles, once pol­ished, are dirt­ier than ever. The table, once shiny, now bat­tered. This chair – ”

She kicks vio­lently, but can’t move. Her cuffs clank dully against the hard wood.

 – Well, it’s wood now.”

Your scowl deepens.

You decide to put the law down. “You are not here to state the obvi­ous. You are here for ques­tion­ing in the mur­der of – ”

I want a lawyer. Not a ware­house turned inter­ro­ga­tion room turned dungeon.”

You smile grimly.

You can’t always get what you want,” you respond. You lean over into her per­sonal space.

She glares at you, and attempts to pull away, but the chains bind her hands fast to the stone wall.

You hiss into her ear.

I always do.”

Lost Icing on the Cake

You lick the icing off the cupcake.

That’s what cup­cakes are good for: they are icing deliv­ery vehicles.

Yet there’s also that cake part. You never know what to do with the cake part.

It reminds you of what once was; of the icing; of the sweet­ness, long since devoured.

You want to eat it again – the same icing! It’s spe­cial! Just one more lick; just one more taste.

You want to scoop up some onto your fin­ger; you want to put it into your mouth; you want to let the fla­vor swirl around…

You wish you took your time more than you did; you wish you savored it more. If you but had another chance, you’d do it right this time!

And the cake.

You are unsure whether to keep the cake for the mem­ory, or to toss it, to rid your­self of this loss.

Per­haps you shall bury it.

Instead, you eat it.

Per­haps, you thought, there are traces of more icing! Per­haps, you thought, these traces would not be spoiled by the cake! That icing, so sweet, so perfect…

But in the end, you swal­lowed only the bread, the cake, and no more icing.

It’s not the same.

Maybe you’ll buy a new cupcake…

But it’ll still not be the same.

What’s gone is gone.

Victim Blaming

Aside

Some­times, the ones who blame the vic­tims the most are the vic­tims them­selves – but even for that, it is not they who deserve blame, but the cul­ture that points them to their shame.

Alone

You think you are alone. You have too many thoughts to truly be so.

Many thoughts are sealed away, and yet still their noise sur­rounds you as a shroud of impen­e­tra­ble agony.

You hate them.

You grab them with a thought, and twist them, glare at them.

Their scream­ing doesn’t stop. It never does.

Because it is not them who are scream­ing, but you who are hear­ing their screams, for in the end, you are the screamer, and they are mere wisps fleet­ing through your shad­owy mind.

And it’s not their fault.

It’s not their fault that you have crushed them down so they can­not breath; stuffed them into shapes they were never meant to fit inside; hid­den them away where they can but glare at you through the night, when all is quiet, but for your thoughts.

You walk up the stairs of air, and upon the ceil­ing, you sleep, their voices calling…

The Hallucinogen Rush

Watch­ing The Gold Rush leaves one with many ques­tions: When did The Lone Prospec­tor die? Was he already dead when the film began? Was the entire film just one big hal­lu­ci­na­tion — or just parts of it? Why is a film fea­tur­ing a char­ac­ter death so tremen­dously hilarious?

First, let us ana­lyze the most basic and obvi­ous indi­ca­tor that can help us to make sense of it all: the film color: Blue was used for out­door scenes in the freez­ing cold. A yel­low­ish hue indi­cated indoor scenes. A pur­ple was used for night. The town: almost com­pletely gray. Most impor­tant, a red hue was used for hal­lu­ci­na­tions. We first see this effect when Big Jim McKay sees Chaplin’s char­ac­ter as some form of giant (and, after appro­pri­ate cook­ing, deli­ciously edi­ble) poul­try. The cam­era is tinted blood red as Chap­lin is replaced with a gigan­tic bird — a bird of size suf­fi­cient to pro­vide sev­eral meals. Although it is cer­tainly pos­si­ble that the shoe he had eaten could have pro­duced for him some rather psy­che­delic side-effects, it is unlikely that The Lone Prospec­tor was hal­lu­ci­nat­ing Big Jim hal­lu­ci­nat­ing him as a chicken.

It is espe­cially unlikely as this would mean that three quar­ters of the film was used to cover The Lone Prospector’s death — quite a long, and, arguably, quite an unre­al­is­tic death. Unfor­tu­nately, con­fu­sion arrives when he enters the town: the dance hall is also col­ored with a slight red tint, rem­i­nis­cent of the ear­lier hal­lu­ci­na­tion. This would seem to imply he was already hal­lu­ci­nat­ing to some degree!

Indeed, he was: his per­cep­tion of Geor­gia was obvi­ously hal­lu­ci­na­tion. The dance hall itself was likely real enough; Geor­gia likely existed as well. Even the events Chaplin’s char­ac­ter may have taken place — but he clearly must have inter­preted incor­rectly. While he may have been dead or dying at this point, we must assume that he was not (it would not be nearly inter­est­ing enough to ana­lyze in this writ­ing). If we do not so assume, we must instead make our­selves believe that he’s hav­ing hal­lu­ci­na­tions inside hal­lu­ci­na­tions (pos­si­ble; hunger and the ele­ments can do ter­ri­ble things to the mind) and would force us to won­der: did much of the action take place in the eye of his soul, after he had already died? (This would also explain the movie’s silence; his soul’s ears would already have moved on, of course. But this would also imply he had been dead through­out the entirety of the film).

We should just assume he was still alive at this point. At what point, then, did he become dead?

The film’s finale, in which The Lone Prospec­tor is won­der­fully rich (along with, of course, his part­ner), quite obvi­ously occurred after or dur­ing his death. The sequence is quite at odds with the pre­vi­ous ele­ments of the story in all ways. The tint was once again a hal­lu­cino­genic red, though, being out­side, some­what lighter than before. In addi­tion, the dis­cov­ery of gold — much less mil­lions and mil­lions of dol­lars worth — was much too good to be true. Per­haps most impor­tant, how­ever, was the dif­fer­ence in Georgia’s behav­ior: she acted exactly how Chaplin’s char­ac­ter would hope for her to act, and appar­ently com­pletely inverse to how she had acted through­out the ear­lier parts.

When Chap­lin first meets Geor­gia, he dances with her. He was, quite pos­si­bly, hal­lu­ci­nat­ing this dance. Even if he was not, it was appar­ent that Geor­gia was merely tak­ing advan­tage of Chap­lin to annoy Jack, with whom she was angry. The Lone Prospec­tor is not nearly per­cep­tive enough to pick up on this; instead, he believes she gen­uinely likes him for him. The col­oration of the scene is some­what red, hint­ing, at the very least, to his misperceptions.

The snow­ball fight between Geor­gia and her friends likely did occur. The col­oration was neu­tral, after all, and cer­tainly not red. It is pos­si­ble tat Geor­gia and her friends orig­i­nally intended to attend din­ner with Chap­lin (though likely just to mock him). In any case, his awk­ward­ness, and, espe­cially, his embar­rass­ing episode cel­e­brat­ing the accep­tance of that invi­ta­tion, would cer­tainly have scared them off. Geor­gia did appear to feel some guilt when she saw the elab­o­rate efforts that The Lone Prospec­tor had under­taken on her behalf in order to pre­pare din­ner; how­ever, the guilt was obvi­ously not all that sig­nif­i­cant: she wrote a note apol­o­giz­ing not to The Lone prospec­tor for his wasted effort and emo­tional tur­moil, but instead, to Jack, a man who wished to mock said wasted efforts and tor­tu­ous turmoil.

As such, the entire end sequence seems entirely out-of-place. Why would she want to pay his fare if she thought him a stow­away? It is not likely that she wanted to make up for her pre­vi­ous cru­elty — judg­ing by her ear­lier atti­tudes, she’d be just as likely to try to cause him yet more grief! How­ever, even if she did want to make up for her pre­vi­ous actions, what pos­si­ble rea­son could she have for mar­ry­ing him — espe­cially on such a spur-of-the-moment? There is one obvi­ous rea­son: his new wealth. Per­haps this was The Lone Prospector’s way of adding a small bit of real­ity to an oth­er­wise wholly unre­al­is­tic vision: even in his deluded sub­con­scious dream state, he knew that Geor­gia would never marry him for his own merits.

The entire con­clu­sion was entirely too clean and too per­fect. It was the oppo­site of every­thing lead­ing up to it. He must have expe­ri­enced the vision some­where right after or dur­ing the cabin’s top­ple to the ground.

When, then? Pin­point­ing is dif­fi­cult. If Chaplin’s char­ac­ter had man­aged to get out of the cabin in time, he should have sur­vived! After all, Big Jim had wan­dered off into town from this same loca­tion awhile ear­lier (though, given Big Jim’s body fat, and resul­tant built-in insu­la­tion, if there were any ques­tion as to sur­vival, Chaplin’s char­ac­ter would be sig­nif­i­cantly less likely to sur­vive than Big Jim).

It is more likely that The Lone Prospec­tor did not man­age to escape the cabin before it plum­meted to its doom. It is even more likely that Big Jim did escape. It is pos­si­ble he then couldn’t save The Lone Prospec­tor, but more likely, he decided that the gold would be worth much more to him if he didn’t have to split it, and so let The Lone Prospec­tor die in what would undoubt­edly be later referred to as a “tragic acci­dent.” There are some hints to such a greedy atti­tude near the begin­ning of the film; for instance, when Chap­lin has to bribe Big Jim with some meat to stay on his good side and not get kicked out into the storm.

While it is not com­pletely assured that The Lone Prospec­tor did die by this time, this out­come is sup­ported by the some­times over­whelm­ing theme of the movie: sus­pense. Chaplin’s char­ac­ter could not die to early, as the sus­pense­ful events would be rather less sus­pense­ful if they occurred after or dur­ing the character’s death — even if the audi­ence only knew this in hind­sight. This sus­pense is expressed in sev­eral ways. There is, nat­u­rally, the afore­men­tioned infa­mous sequence of the cabin being blown off the cliff. Like­wise, the drawn-out part where Big Jim chases the chick­eni­fied Chap­lin is quite sus­pense­ful. Even the din­ner party that never occurred would have been obvi­ously sus­pense­ful, if it was not so quickly appar­ent to the audi­ence that Geor­gia and her friends were not com­ing. Even still, the scene was quite sus­pense­ful, as the audi­ence is left wait­ing for Chaplin’s reac­tion, and are dis­ap­pointed as it never does seem to fully develop.

How­ever, there are also some more sub­tle ele­ments of sus­pense: the cam­eras almost never move. Often, the action ends up tak­ing place just out­side the camera’s view­ing angle. If a switch of cam­era angle is needed, there is almost uni­formly a sus­pense­ful delay before the switch takes place, leav­ing a brief moment where some action has occurred which the viewer can­not see.

The death of the main char­ac­ter makes the story tremen­dously tragic. Why, then, is it so tremen­dously amusing?

First, the tragedy is dulled. The music, some­times rem­i­nis­cent of (except in that it pre­dates) Pixar’s Up, is cer­tainly not deep, pow­er­ful, or tragic in any way. Rather, it is light, perky, and, quite often, rather cheery. The light­ing was rel­a­tively even and non-dramatic — except in the many hal­lu­ci­na­tion scenes — fur­ther sap­ping the drama. The focus was, most often, quite deep.

The ridicu­lous but tragic events often had their sting taken out of them by the antics of the char­ac­ters. The expres­sions — espe­cially Chaplin’s — were not real­is­tic, but instead, quite exag­ger­ated. Danc­ing and walk­ing often seemed sped up; the chew­ing of the chew almost cer­tainly was as well. The film is filled with such crazy antics.

The film lacks a need for any con­text other than the human con­text. This is a very good thing. It was made in 1925, which appears to be at least a decade after the great rush to find gold. The events were already becom­ing his­tory; eighty more years couldn’t do much more to dull them. The Gold Rush cov­ered its mate­r­ial in an already-historical con­text. The only assump­tions were that the audi­ence would know what a gold rush was about — which might oth­er­wise be deriv­able from the very phrase “gold rush” (per­haps a rush for gold), and was cov­ered in the intro­duc­tion to the film — and that the audi­ence have empa­thy for nor­mal human conditions.

The heavy focus on ele­ments which are applic­a­ble to almost all human­ity are what truly makes the film still funny: humans still expe­ri­ence win­ters. Humans still expe­ri­ence love. Humans still expe­ri­ence greed. Humans still die.

Humans still hallucinate.


Side note: my teacher did not real­ize this was satire, and gave me a C. After I told her, she sug­gested I clean it up and send it to a film jour­nal (I never did).

Trapped

You’re cer­tainly in a pickle.

You can’t see a thing. You can’t move an inch.

You can, in fact, hear.

You can hear quite a bit. You can hear the blood rush­ing through your head; you can hear your heart pound­ing. You can hear your body as it tries its hard­est to resist.

But you can’t hear any­thing else.

The world is gone.

You are helpless.

Yet you still have your mind.

She can’t con­trol what you think.

She only con­trols the inky ten­drils of pure shadow that enve­lope you; that sep­a­rate you and the out­side world; that hold you captive.

The shadow that can absorb all your power – which is funny, see­ing as you thought you had a lot.

Really, you didn’t get the feel­ing of power from the girl at all. She felt like she barely had any.

And these shadows…

They don’t feel like you’d expect. They don’t feel entirely for­eign. They don’t even feel remotely foreign.

They feel familiar.

They feel like home.

They feel like you.

And then it clicks.

You real­ize: this shadow which sur­rounds you; this dark­ness that entraps you; it’s not hers. It’s yours. It’s your own thoughts.

She’s not con­trol­ling your mind.

You are.

All she had to do was nudge it.

Your own thoughts, made solid, sur­round and trap you.

You don’t know how to fight it.

You have to think some other way. You have to break your­self from the mind­set you have long ago trapped your­self in…

But you can’t.

So instead, you do what you always do.

Per­haps it won’t work for­ever. But it will work for now.

You don’t know what to do with the thoughts, so you push them away. It’s a tried and true method.

Ouch!

You fall to the ground. Sound deaf­ens you; light blinds you; you stumble…

You close your eyes, and con­cen­trate. The world rights itself, you stand–

You are face-to-face, eye-to-eye, with the girl – that Phoenix of Vul­ner­a­bil­ity; of Helplessness.

You are not help­less against your own thoughts.

Merely mostly helpless.

She was able to nudge them into phys­i­cal form, but you were able to change them.

She smiles.

You don’t know why she does.

You just take her magic.

It’s not like last time. You don’t have that whis­per­ing voice with its words of impulse.

You don’t even have whis­pers of help­less­ness. No whis­pers telling you how there’s no solu­tion to your prob­lem; that every­thing is ruined, and there’s noth­ing to be done.

Instead, you hear whis­pers much more frightening.

They tell you that it’s not that there’s no solu­tion to be found…

It’s that you’re try­ing to solve the wrong problem.

Those shad­ows that bound you had always bound you; you just didn’t know they were there.

Even though they’re phys­i­cal forms have once more dis­ap­peared… Even though you are now phys­i­cally free…

You know…

The voices whisper…

You’re still every bit as trapped.

The Secret

The fog behind your eyes does not suf­fice
To hide the secret which I hold so dear.
I can­not let you speak a word aloud
Or even whis­per in your mind’s own ear.

The only secrets that were ever kept
were those secrets that were never made.
Con­ceal this part of you away until
Never-day comes to wish it all away.

I pray for you that this shall all pass by,
All gone for­ever in some flame divine.
Where­fore can you not pray for it to die,
To go away so you can still be mine?

I can­not keep you like you think you are,
I can­not let you go and keep my heart,
This way you feel must be a lie, a trick,
For if you leave I know I’ll fall apart.


I can­not be who you still think I am,
I never was who you thought I should be.
I can­not lie to myself any­more,
I can­not keep the secret you make me.

Myself from myself this fog can­not hide;
This will never pass me by as you wish,
This is not some fleet­ing fancy or whim.
Let not me hide from it’s fast whirling winds.

You really don’t have the time

You really don’t have the time.

So many things to do…

You should be asleep.

You should sleep, do work, do some other work, and then go some­where, and do more work. You are booked solid through next week, and you should at least be doing some of that.

But you aren’t.

You’re star­ing at a screen as you type away, cre­at­ing some­thing which you doubt will have much of any sort of sig­nif­i­cant impact on any good num­ber of peo­ple at all.

You are, some­times a genius.

The stacks upon stacks of paper are piled high around your office, each lit­tle pieces of evi­dence you still should exam­ine, but you won’t.

The hun­dreds of tabs open in your web browser – each you need to look at, but none you will.

The unread email – and the dozens of mes­sages left pur­pose­fully “unread” so you’ll get back to them later – still not read, and still not got­ten back to.

They’re all behind a slew of other things.

Such as sleep.

And, in the end, behind you, sit­ting behind your screen, craft­ing your creation.

You are deter­mined to create.

But you don’t have the time.

So you cre­ate a cre­ation about not hav­ing the time.

You are not sure if you actu­ally are a genius – or if you’ve merely reached genius lev­els of idiocy…

But, some­times, you feel like one.

The Father, The Vulnerable

Their ten­drils of shadow snake over you, twist­ing, turn­ing, grab­bing, stretching.

The room is stark bright, but these enti­ties, what­ever they are, absorb it all.

Arms of shadow hold your hands tight; two more, your legs. You hang in midair, slowly rotat­ing, spin­ning. You can’t move.

You don’t want to admit it to your­self. You’re tough. The tough­est of tough. You have the big burly mus­cles, the threat­en­ing stance, the pierc­ing gaze…

But you’re scared.

You’re scared of these ice-cold shad­ows that snake them­selves over you, which hold you so tight, even despite your most pow­er­ful struggles.

Fear.

Min­utes or hours ago, you were over­flow­ing with power, and now, you have none. As effort­lessly as they absorb light, these shad­ows absorb all of your power, and soon, you are afraid, they’ll absorb you too.

What would it be like to be eaten by a shadow?

The largest of the shad­ows looms closer, its dark­ness infect­ing the very air, thick­en­ing it to where you can barely breathe – or is it your lungs, so heavy from fear?

It sur­rounds you, slowly, a bank of pitch-black fog in an oth­er­wise bright room, and then–

Through the shadow, a voice.

It is not a strong voice. It’s the timid, fear­ful voice of a cry­ing girl, chill­ing in the empa­thy it trig­gers as it is in the words it speaks.

It is time,” she cries, “for the evil monologue.”

Sud­denly, you can’t breathe. You spasm, but can’t get free. The more you strug­gle, the more you fade…

You don’t under­stand: how will you hear the evil mono­logue if you aren’t alive?

And just as sud­denly, it stops. You gasp for breath.

Vul­ner­a­bil­ity. Help­less­ness. Defense­less­ness. Pow­er­less­ness. That’s what you are. That’s who I am.”

Who she is?

That rings a bell. A very bad bell.

Yes,” says the phoenix; you can hear her tears, but for her, you have no sym­pa­thy. You hate Phoenixes. Always have, always will.

But there’s noth­ing you can do about it, is there?”

And then she whis­pers: “And noth­ing I can do, either.”

Father Overpowered

You can’t take the power – it’s too much!

You col­lapse to the ground, glow­ing an eerie light, of uniden­ti­fi­able color.

It’s not quite a pain… it’s some­thing else entirely. A rip­ping, as if your body is tear­ing itself limb-from-limb – but either you can’t feel it through your power-filled daze, or it is some­thing so beyond pain that it can’t man­age to hurt at all.

It’s too much – you try to spend some.

You shoot flame out of your hands.

Whoosh! Well, now the room’s on fire.

Great work. Espe­cially since you’re still stuck on the floor, unable to do much more than twitch a mus­cle. You can feel the fire lick­ing at your ankles… but it’s already spread to the walls.

You try water. Well, now you’re drown­ing – three feet of it fill the room, sub­merg­ing you.

Not to worry, it’s not like the house is water­tight, right?

But it’s tak­ing much too long to drain, so you try mak­ing a bub­ble of air.

So much for a bub­ble – unless your def­i­n­i­tion of “bub­ble” is “room-sized” – and it’s not.

The fire, still burn­ing the walls, steals the oxy­gen away in a bril­liant explo­sion that, had you not been under­wa­ter, surely would have killed you.

On the plus side, the house is now gone, so it is no longer trap­ping water for you to drown in…

But you’re still stuck on the ground.

You man­age to roll over onto your back, but then–

Pop! Pop! Pop pop pop!

Dozens of shad­owy forms pop into exis­tence around you, seem­ingly shadow themselves.

You try to move, but you just can’t, stuck on the ground as you are. They all jump at once, and sur­round you.

All goes black, and you know no more.